Eternal Evil of Asia

I belive this is the only time every cought on film that a dickhead, i.e. an asshole, actually turns into... a dickhead. xD

When grown men weep like little Japanese school girls

Until yesterday I was certain of two things in life.

If I didn't know anything else at least I knew these two very important facts:

1) The wild Indonesian film 5 DEADLY ANGELS was released long ago on VHS in Holland.

And: 2) There was a rumour 5 DEADLY ANGELS might have had a VHS release in the US long ago.

Needless to say the Dutch tape is more rare than getting laid at a dike slumber party. I have never found a copy! Never! Ever! (but thanks to a nice Cinehound member I have a multo wonderfullo DVD-R copy!).

Yesterday, I found an eBay seller in jolly ol'e Canaduh who had a copy of the legendary American NTSC tape!!! And it came with a mint cover!!! And a "buy now" price!!!

Obviously, after having picked my shocked body up from the floor I clicked the "buy now" button right away. And then I waited for an invoice.

Today I got an eMail from the seller saying he... accidentally... dropped... a... hand-weight... on... the... tape...!!!

(insert shocked smiley here)

Let me just repeat that: the seller dropped a weight on the tape and it smashed!!!

I must admit I was kinda hoping his line would end with something like "but don't worry the hand-weight bounced off the tape and nothing happened. I just thought I'd tell you to better the relationships between our two almost identical countries" but, well, he didn't. :-(




I spent two years looking for this tape and then the only copy I've ever come across gets smashed by a fooking hand-weight!!!!!! Check the headline again for my state of mind.

Arrr, this is so truly, insanely, bizarrely, surreal'y, terrible I keep expecting a log lady to offer me some coffee. Haha. Oh well, C'est la vie as they say in some parts of Canada. If nothing else I asked the seller if I could get the cover and so at least I'll have that to look at while I cry into my cold coffee ("cold" cos I'll be too depressed to make a fresh pot).

Below is the cover scan (courtesy of Peter from Cinehound) from the Dutch VHS.

ANGEL 2 lobbies. xD

One of my ALL TIME FAVOURITE Hong Kong films is ANGEL 2 which I believe is also one of the very best in the Girls with guns genre. You could also call the genre Girls who kick ass and look cute (coined in an old issue of Asian Trash Cinema). But regardless of terminology... I just bought this uber spiffy lobby card set from Thailand! Arrr... (this is where you imagine yours truly doing a Homer Simpson drool, LOL).

I haven't actually bought any lobby cards before (except big Mexican ones but I'd say they're more like posters) but when I stumbled over this set I just knew I had to have it. And yes, it was... pricey. I really need to get myself a new job soon!!!



Anyway, I've written about the ANGEL series before in regards to my having bought the Japanese video versions. The films star Moon Lee, Yukari Oshima, Elaine Lui, and Alex Fong. There are three entries and #1 and 2 are awesome! No. 3 is more of a spy film and fails in the "shoot 'em up" dep. but is otherwise alright. The series became so uber popular that tons of films were released in Hong Kong in the years that followed, films that all had female heroes and had "Angel" in the title. If you're looking for someone to criticise this blatant ripoff mentality you'll have to look elsewhere as you won't find it here. I love all those films! Unfortunately, many of them are very difficult to find nowadays. A lot of them never came out on DVD and the old video tapes and VCDs are rare by now.

Btw, instead of ANGEL 3 you might wanna try and track down KILLER ANGELS instead as it's a much better film (and tons more violent!!). It also stars Moon Lee and is another fave in this house!!! For years I kept watching an unsubbed VCD from HK until I got hold of an English dubbed boot from the UK.



One of the films that fortunately WAS granted a release on a shiny li'l disc is the first ANGEL which (oddly enough) was released on HK DVD under its international title of Iron Angels. Fortunately, the disc doesn't contain the international, English dubbed version but the original Cantonese film. Unfortunately, ANGEL 2 and 3 are only out on crappy DVDs; #2 in Germany (dubbed and cut to shreds) and #3 on an OOP English dubbed, fullscreen DVD in the US.

The best way to watch ANGEL 2 is on VHS from the UK; MIA put it out on an English dubbed tape fully uncut and fully letterboxed! They also put out a fully lbx'ed tape in Cantonese with new English subs which would have been the ultimate release if it weren't for the fact that the bloody BBFC cut out 18 seconds of fun! Boo-hoo. My Japanese tape is also in Cantonese and fortunately fully uncut but sans the subs. You just can't win can you. :-(

Anyway, here's the trailer for ANGEL 2, do check it out!




[ANGEL aka Iron Angels/Angels/Midnight Angels/Midnite Angels/Fighting Madam/Ultra Force, VHS/Japan/letterbox/English dub/Japanese subs]

[ANGEL 2 aka Iron Angels 2/Angels 2/Ultra Force 2, VHS/Japan/letterbox/Cantonese audio/Japanese subs]

[ANGEL 3 aka Iron Angels 3/Iron Angel 3/Fighting Madam 3/Hong Kong Police Madam 3/Return of Iron Angels/Midnite Angels 3/Ultra Force 3, VHS/Japan/fullscreen/English dub]

What bloody sister!?

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I bought this film on a whim but I can't for the life of me figure out which film it is. Do any of you know?

The English cover title is BLOOD SISTER but I can't find a film that seems to fit the seller's description. There are several films called BLOOD SISTER and BLOOD SISTERS.

At first I thought something along the lines of the Taiwan films GOLDEN QUEEN'S COMMANDO, PINK FORCE COMMANDO or FANTASY MISSION FORCE but it doesn't seem to be any of those.

Seller's description:

This very rare - NO DVD release - 70s women of vengeance movie stars Chinese hottie Lin Ling who is oout for revenge after her boyfriend is gunned down by some syndicate. Lin Ling is joined by four hell bent for revenge girls (one in knee high cowhide boots!!) In the course of the action you get: female kung fu fighting, stick fighting, gun play, soft core sex, and lotsa bare bottoms and tops. At one point two women are gagged, bound and... you know. But they get revenge on their attackers - one knife into a bloody mess, the other groin stomped and left crippled on the floor.

Sorry, I can't think of a headline.

Someone over on Dvdmaniacs posted this enlightening clip from "CNN Denmark". I was born here but I had an Aussie gf for 10 yrs and spent a lot of time in OZ in the '90s so I kinda feel like 10% Aussie & 90% Danish and those 10% Aussie are cringing their toes right now. Oh man!!! Haha (and don't tell me, I realise it's a joke but still. As Homer Simpson would say it's funny because it's true).

Dark & nasty Hong Kong: BLOOD RITUAL (1989)

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Check out this awesome laserdisc cover for Lee Yuen-Ching's dark and nasty Hong Kong horror movie BLOOD RITUAL from 1989. Or at least I think it dark and nasty. Unfortunately, I haven't watched the movie and (again: unfortunately) that isn't my laserdisc. :-(
There is no DVD release, only old and very rare video tapes and this laserdisc. You can get it on bootleg from Trash Palace tho.

EDIT A FEW HOURS LATER: That laserdisc is NOW MINE!! I won it from a Chinese eBay seller in the UK!! Yay!! SPIIIFY!!!


VHS from France

Last of the Matteis

Here's a handful of trailers for Bruno Mattei's last four cannibal and zombie films (plus THE TOMB). He did 2 of each and they are equally crappy and/or enjoyable, depending on how low your tolerance level is. Mine is pretty low so obviously I enjoy them heaps, haha, but I'm not gonna try and convince anybody that these films are in any way, shape or form good or even semi good cos, well, they're not. But like I said, enjoyable and entertaining. And a pleasure so guilty that you probably wanna keep the films out of sight if you're having any friends/relatives/anybody come over for a visit, that is if you value your reputation in any way!! xD

I don't have the last movie, THE TOMB. I'm aware there's a reportedly crappy US bootleg DVD out but I'm holding back getting it as I've just discovered there's a VCD release of it in Thailand and I'm trying to find out if there's a DVD as well (the VCD only has Thai audio). If any of you know about this please let me know. Cheers.

LAND OF DEATH aka Cannibal Holocaust: Cannibal Vs Commando


CANNIBAL WORLD aka Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning


ZOMBIES, THE BEGINNING


ZOMBIES, THE BEGINNING (different trailer)


ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD


ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD (long German trailer)


THE TOMB



- And lastly, here's a Mattei tribute by the guy who is usually The Cinema Snob but this video is actually done out of character (if case you hadn't realised TCS is a character he does, lol). Check it out it's pretty good.

Bruno Mattei is back from the dead!!!

Alright, no he hasn't returned as one of his crappy zombies from ZOMBI 3 or HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD (now THAT would have been quite something!!) but his JAIL: A WOMAN'S HELL (2006) has finally been released on DVD!!! Oh sing thee joyous wee ones oh sing thy hymens of praise. A couple of years back we waited patiently for the release of this last two cannibal movies, LAND OF DEATH + CANNIBAL WORLD, and then we waited patiently for his last two zombie films, ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD and ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING ...when they finally came out on DVD it was in obscure places like Russia, Japan and the Czech Republic... and now, finally, JAIL has been granted a DVD release in the same obscure place that first released his last zombie flicks, i.e. jolly Republic of all things Czech!!! Yay! Spiffy!! Check out this trailer for the DVD:


[PS: yes, the DVD has English dub!]

And go HERE for the real trailer (unfortunately I can't embed it here!). Now the question is just where to get it from! I did manage to order ISLAND OF DEATH, ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING and Joe D'amato's DEEP BLOOD (not on DVD anywhere else) from a Czech store but, mein gott, it takes time!!!

PS: I wasn't quite sure where to post this as JAIL (like Mattei's other last films) was indeed filmed in the Philippines and I might as well have posted this on my Filipino blog (and YES that is Mike Monty in the trailer) but since this is more trash than trashy Filipino war I put it here, haha.

Unknown blog writer scarred for life in beetle attack

So I'm watching a couple of episodes of COPS on the telly. Nice and cozy, ay. I've got my coffee and while four or five of LA's finest are sitting on some Mexican guy's head I'm working my way thru a box of dates I've saved from Christmas. Actually, that's not completely true as they wouldn't have lasted until now if they were from Xmas as I have a sweet tooth for dates. Ever since I was a kid. Every year I stock up on dates. Anyway, this year's supply was already gone when I found the last remaining stock at a local Aldi market. Why did they still have some when every other store doesn't you ask? Beats me. Maybe they'd fallen behind some boxes or the nice Turkish Aldi chicks had used them for door stops. Who knows. Anyhoo, so I'm sitting there going thru the box. The cops are having fun. "Are you using the stun-gun on him? Is he getting it?". "Yeah he is cos I'm holding him and I'm getting it too!" And, well, I think we've established by now that I'm working my way thru the box, ay. And then I look down... and stare into wild and crazy eyes of an unknown but probably very nasty and definitely UUUGLY muther of a beetle! Yes, that's what I said: A BEETLE!!! A live one. A very highly alive and moving one!!! Probably full of nasty contagious diseases too. Do beetles carry the Ebola virus? PROBABLY!!! Do beetles from date packages crawl into people's ears when they're asleep and eat chunks off their brains little by little? MOST LIKELY!!! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna look at a pack of dates in the same casually relaxed I'm-just-gonna-stuff-mah-face-with-dis-yummy-stuff-without-looking-at-it way anymore, that's for sure. Brrrr. Nasty.

The photo may or may not be an actual photo from the scene that occurred.

You win some you lose some.

VHS/Japan/fullscreen/English dub/Japanese subs

I've been on the hunt for ANGEL 3 (aka Iron Angels 3 / Midnite Angel) on Japanese VHS for quite a while. The film is part of a cool "Girls kick ass and look cute" Hong Kong series that star cute Moon Lee and equally cute femmes Yukari Oshima (in #1) (altho she's a bad guy in this one, LOL) and Elaine Lui (#1 & 2). I've been looking for a copy ever since one seller in Japan listed it as being letterboxed and with English dub. I went so far as to bug two sellers repeatedly to find it for me and finally I got it this week! The thing is, I already had a fullscreen & English dubbed DVD from the US and a letterboxed, German dubbed VHS dupe but the thought of getting a print that was both letterboxed and English dubbed made me search high and low for the tape. And why wouldn't it be letterboxed. The seller listed it as being lbx, and besides that, both ANGEL and ANGEL 2 (which I both have) are letterboxed. So why wouldn't it be! Well, it wasn't!!! The first seller's info was incorrect: the tape is sadly ugly fullscreen!! Boo-hoo!!!

Oh well, at least I've got a complete set of ANGEL tapes now and I only paid $20, not $76 which was the selling price the first time. I'm sure whoever won it back then was real "happy" when he discovered it was foulscreen! :/

PS: This is not a scan of the tape I got but from an earlier auction.